I love all things Christmas. Everything. Except for the bloody elf on the shelf nonsense.
The added pressure of making some creepy elf do weird things just so the tinkertots bypass him completely to get to the advent calendar. Like I haven’t got enough to do.
It feels like this elf business is all about posting it on social media to see prove how quirky and fun and inventive you are.
I do have an elf – just a bright green soft toy that only moves when the cat knocks it down. Or when my toddler lobs it across the room (which happens on a daily basis).
When 7 o’clock rolls round, the only thing my butt is doing is making a large imprint on the sofa until the clock hits 10:30. The only time it moves is for snacks. I have no interest in faffing with some sadistic looking elf just so I can take photos and flaunt it at others. Surely the novelty wears off after a few days…
When I was a kid, I was over the moon to get a chocolate advent calendar rather than those crummy cheap ones with the vintage pics of Santa holding a lantern inside. Things really got exciting when the picture was Rudolph.
It ties in with this whole Christmas Eve Box thing…buying overpriced Christmas pyjamas in a personalised box to be worn for a singe night. It just seem excessive. Isn’t that what stockings are for – a little night before Christmas excitement. In fact, it’s Christmas the next bloody day, surely that is excitement enough!
To many expensive expectations now surround Christmas and make you feel like a bad parent if you don’t indulge in these. Will it be Easter Bunnies doing Funnies or Grin for the Pumpkin next?
Screw the elf on the shelf. I want my kids to behave for me, not for some slightly perverted looking fella who raids all your shit when you’re not looking. That is a criminal, not a Christmas tradition.
Playground Politics 