Tag: children

Mother’s Day – What we really want
#cherishedmemories · children · Honest mum · mum · Parenting

Mother’s Day – What we really want

Playground Politics1 Comment

Flowers and candles are all well and good, but if we have to do our normal duties, WTF is the point?!

Mums operate 365 days a year. Let that sink in. Every goddamn day. No sick days. No holidays. No duvet days. Mother’s Day should be an exception. I want to be selfish and not do anything for anyone else. Including my own mother and mother-in-law.

This is what I (and I’m sure other mums) really want on Mother’s Day but are too polite to say aloud:

  1. To be left alone
  2. To not wipe anything – no surfaces, no mouths, no bums (unless it is my own, may be taking it a bit too far otherwise)
  3. To lie-in without any guilt
  4. To not make breakfast, make lunch, cook dinner, obtain snacks. In fact, it even stresses me out watching the husband cook so takeaway would be great.
  5. To watch what I want on TV. Screw you Peppa Pig, this is my day.
  6. To chill. I want to play Xbox with the headset on max. I want to do some little craft projects. Probably nap. And read in bed (without any advances from the other half, thank you very much.)
  7. Chocolate. Because everyday I want chocolate. If I didn’t actually have it on a special occasion then there is clearly grounds for divorce.

Call me harsh, but the idea of going out for dinner with kids on Mother’s Day also blows. Trying to restrain a toddler while waiting for food to arrive that they refuse to eat? To then stop them from stabbing themselves with a fork and knocking the knife on the floor for the freaking umpteenth time? And then be blackmailed into buying ice-cream for them by the pity-filled waitress which again they refuse to eat?! No thanks. I’m good.

Ideally, the other half should take the kids out and leave me the hell alone. Of course you can’t actually admit that so I’ll accept the other 7 things on my list.

My Mother’s Day motto: Not my problem.

So tell me, what do you really want this Mother’s Day?

Honest mum · mum · Parenting · Uncategorized

Why school holidays are so difficult…

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Is it just me who finds school holidays really tough? I used to look after the kiddos full time before starting school so what’s changed? Have I become worse? Granted, I am definately less energetic and cheery than I used to be but that’s not it. School children demand more stimulation than littlies do. Finding a stick is the best thing ever for toddlers but older ones need much more energy, thought and exercise. It’s exhausting!

Smug sharenters vs. the real world

Here are the reasons why I find holidays difficult:

  1. The assumption that you should be doing something awesome every day. Farm parks, soft play, bowling, pottery painting etc etc. Not helped by the abundance of photos on social media showing everybody else doing these. (Pssst by the way, those smug sharenters are not really doing this everyday, they are bumming out like the rest of us and recycling old pictures.)
  2. The expense. Linked to the aforementioned farm parks and bowling etc – the stuff costs money. And lot’s of it, especially with multiple children. Triple the cost for those lucky ducks who go away on holiday during half-term. Who can actually afford to do all of this?!
  3. How busy everywhere is. You can’t go anywhere without hordes of kids and red-faced mums. Think you can escape them in a sophisticated coffee shop? Think again. You will find a group of 10 teenagers all sharing a single frappuccino while taking selfies. (Happens to me every bloody half-term. My parents would never have given me £3 something to buy a posh drink!)
  4. The boredom. “Let’s have a lazy day at home kids, that sounds like fun…” said no parent ever. It is never fun. The novelty wears off in 2 seconds and they are running up the walls and ruining your lazy mood. In this scenario, I hide from them by doing housework thus counteracting the original proposal of a lazy day.
  5. The food. My God, the food consumption is through the roof. How do they even get by on a school day with scheduled meals? Mine are demanding lunch by 10:30 (after two bowls of cereal, banana and a rice cake).

For me, the food consumption is what I find the hardest. Constantly nagging for food they don’t even want just because they can’t think of anything else to do. This then drives me to biscuit jar/chocolate cupboard/cider in fridge, further increasing the food consumption! Never-ending battle.

School holidays = Throwing biscuits at feral children while desperately thinking of play dates to avoid having to pay an arm and leg to keep the turds entertained for an hour.

Anybody else hate them? (school holidays that is, not children. Although to be fair…)

Honest mum · mum · Parenting · Uncategorized

A little thought vs. a lot of tat

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It’s the time of year for joy and excitement but for some it causes endless stress and worry – have I got enough?

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of worrying that the cost/amount determines how much you care about that person but this isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) the case.

If you’re lucky other half gave you one present that proved how much they know you – you would be thrilled! So don’t put so much pressure on yourself to stuff the tree with random stuff because it’s not worth it. My friend just bought a jam thermometer for a relative. That’s right – a thermometer. For jam. For under a tenner. But she bought it because it accompanied a lovely little annecdote how her brother always ruins the food etc etc. That shows so much more thought than a random Lynx gift set (I am yet to find a man who doesn’t receive one of these bad boys at Christmas).

The same goes for kids.

A million toys vs. one really special toy (and special does not always mean expensive!)

I am a firm believer that kids with one or two things are more likely to actually play with them and appreciate them as opposed to mountains of random plastic tat that keeps them interested for about 0.26 minutes.

So this Christmas, for that someone special, show them how much you care with a little thought instead of a lot of tat. If they are as special as you think, they will absolutely love it. If not, get them a jam thermometer.

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Dogs and children are NOT the same

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Somebody once to me “I never realised having dogs was so much like having children.”

…

In case it’s not obvious enough, this person does not have children.

I awkwardly smiled with a little laugh as surely they must have been joking…

They weren’t. The dog apparently wakes them up in the morning. Oh and likes cuddles when they get home from work.

END OF COMPARISON.

Here is what I wanted to say/should have said:

I’m sure you also lost two years of sleep due to the pups swinging off your nipples five times a night. The chaffing, the bulging boobs and soggy bras in the morning…oh, the dog licks your face each morning? What a calamity.

I can only imagine the washing you have to do. Three loads a day I’m on. I purposefully bought an additional laundry basket to try the disguise the amount there is to do. I think the last time I saw the bottom of the basket was five years ago.

I just love grabbing the lead and going for a frolic in the woods too. Just me, the kids, the nappies, the wipes, the snacks, the gloves, the wellies and the tangles of brambles. Just a week ago, I tried to go for a walk in the woods. I ended up with a muddy two-year old stuck on my hips for THREE HOURS as she refused to walk.

Clingy? Aw your puppies like to cuddle on your lap when you get home? I know what you mean. My two literally hook their arms around my ankles when I’m cooking. They shout my name repeatedly when I leave the room. They cry EVERY FRICKING MORNING when I drop them off at school. Bless ’em, eh?

Suffice to say, I haven’t spoken to this person for a while.